A LETTER FROM CALIFORNIA TO "OUR FELLOW AMERICANS"
Dear Fellow Americans,
America has engaged in some finger wagging lately
because California doesn't have enough electricity to meet its
needs. The rest of the country (including President Bush) seems to
be just fine with letting Californians dangle in the breeze without
enough power to meet their needs.
This is how it really is:
California ranks 48th in the nation in power
consumed per person.
California grows more than half the nation's
fruit, nuts, and vegetables. We're keeping them. We need something
to eat when the power goes out. We grow 99 percent or more of the
nation's almonds, artichokes, dates, figs, kiwi, olives, persimmons,
pistachios, prunes, raisins, and walnuts. Hope you won't miss them.
California is the nation's number-one dairy state.
We're keeping our dairy products. We'll need plenty of fresh ones
since our refrigerators can't be relied upon. Got milk?
We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech
software in-state. Silicon Valley is ours, after all. Without enough
electricity, which you're apparently keeping for yourselves, we just
plain don't have enough software to spare. Can you say "typewriter"?
We're keeping all our airplanes. California builds
a good percentage of the commercial airliners available to fly you
people to where you want to go. When yours wear out, you'd better
hope Boeing's Washington plant can keep you supplied. There isn't
enough electricity here to allow us to export any more planes than
we need ourselves. And while we're at it, we're keeping all our
high-tech aerospace stuff, too. Oh, yeah, and if you want to make a
long-distance call, remember where the satellite components and
tracking systems come from. Maybe you could get back in the habit of
writing letters.
Want to see a blockbuster movie this weekend? Come
to California. We make them here. Since we'll now have to make them
with our own electricity, we're keeping them. The labs, printing
facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities are all here.
Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17
million gallons per year. We'll need all of it to drown our sorrows
when we think about the fact that no matter how many California
products we export to make the rest of America's lives better,
America can't see its way clear to help us out with a little
electricity. You can no longer have any of our wine.
You all complain that we don't build enough power
plants. Well, you don't grow enough food, write enough software,
make enough movies, build enough airplanes and defense systems, or
make enough wine.
Love,
The Californians
Thought this was cute, too:
|
