COMEDIC EXCERPTS

"Ah yes divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
(Robin Williams)

"Women complain of Premenstrual Syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
(Roseanne)

"Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place."
(Billy Crystal)

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My Gosh,  you're right!  I never would've thought of that."
(Dave Barry)

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
(Jay Leno)

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines.  They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
(Elaine Boosler)

"You know, in France, hat is chapeau, dog is chien, and a shirt is une chemise.  It's like those French have a different word for EVERYTHING!"
(Steve Martin)

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