PERSONAL ADS (WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN...)

What they WRITE comes first.  What they MEAN comes after it in italics.

First the women...

40-ish means 48

Adventurer means Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic means Flat-chested

Average looking means Ugly

Beautiful means Pathological liar

Contagious Smile means Bring your penicillin

Educated means College dropout

Emotionally Secure means Medicated

Free spirit means Substance user

Friendship first means Trying to live down reputation as easy

Fun means Annoying

Gentle means Comatose

Good Listener means Borderline Autistic

New-Age means All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned means Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded means Desperate

Outgoing means Loud

Passionate means Loud

Poet means Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional means Real Witch

Redhead means Shops the Miss Clairol section

Reubenesque means Severely Overweight

Romantic means Looks better by candle light

Voluptuous means Very Fat

Weight proportional to height means Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate means One step away from stalking

Widow means Nagged first husband to death

Young at heart means Toothless crone

The Male Side of the List...

40-ish means 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic means Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

Average looking means Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated means Will always treat you like an idiot

Free Spirit means Sleeps with your sister

Friendship first means As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun means Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking means Arrogant

Honest means Pathological Liar

Huggable means Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle means Insecure, overly dependent

Mature means Until you get to know him

Open-minded means Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested

Physically fit means I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself

Poet means Has written on a bathroom stall

Spiritual means Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday

Stable means Occasional stalker, but never arrested

Thoughtful means Says "Please" when demanding a beer
 

Number of people who actually thought personal ads were accurate: