TONGUE PIERCING
I had a few misconceptions about piercing so I was
feeling pretty breezy about it. The misconceptions?
a) I thought they numb your tongue
b) I thought they use a gun
On both counts, I was SORELY mistaken. And if they
DO use a gun on any place but your ear lobes, they should be reported or shot.
So I'm sitting in this neat little waiting room with
several other creative and interesting looking individuals. I signed the
waiver and read the information when this very nice woman sent me into a
washroom with a cup of incredibly lethal Listerine mouthwash.
She basically said, "Gargle for a minute. It should burn like
heck." (You ain't kiddin', sister!)
So I came out, sat down on the chair and waited.
(I think it was at this point I made my misconceptions audible and she was
quick to squash every single one of them. I couldn't back out NOW...I'd
paid for it!) So she got a pen and marked both sides of my tongue.
The adrenaline started to kick in about the time she wrapped the gauze around
my tongue and attached forceps to it with the warning, "No matter what
happens, do NOT pull your tongue back." (Sure, lady, scare the
holy heck out of me.)
Then as soon as it started it was done. She pushed
the needle through my tongue and was fastening the balls on either side of the
post before I could go, "Whath the heth wath thatth?" And for
everyone who makes that scrunchy "I've bitten my tongue before and I
can't BELIEVE you'd put a piece of metal through yours" keep this in
mind: the centre of your tongue has no nerves. It's just
tissue or something, so it didn't hurt. Now if she'd sent that needle
through the tip of my tongue I would have screamed blue murder BUHLIEVE me.
Afterwards, she gave me detailed information about
cleaning it and drinking a lot of water and all that kind of stuff. And
basically I sounded like I'd had major dental surgery for a week and lisped a
lot. I made especially interesting clicking noises if I got rattled and
talked too fast.
I've had it for about three years now and I barely notice it. Others
don't see it either, unless I'm laughing my head off or I stick my tongue out
at them.
Update:
For the record? I got rid of it. I've let the
hole grow over a few times and actually re-pierced it myself, but I think I'm
done with it now.
The number of people who were curious if it really
hurt:
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